Bad Memories
by loveistheprotection
Summary: What happens when life becomes too much for Severus? Or when Hermione is the one who offers support. Set in Hermione's fifth year. Please review :D
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE:**

Hermione kept her head down as she wandered through the deserted corridors. Most of the students were in their common rooms or at dinner. She went into a deserted classroom and sank into one of the chairs, her head in her hands, sobbing quietly. Professor Snape had called her a "know-it-all" once too many times and it hurt hearing the rest of the class laughing and jeering her. Back in her first year she'd thought she's just get used to it, but she'd gone over the edge today. It also was harder, to hear Ron's laugh. Hermione felt so alone. She heard the door open behind her. She turned around, startled, to see Snape standing, almost sheepishly, with a box of tissues in his hand. She wiped her eyes quickly. "I was just leaving," she said.

He sat down in front of her, placed the box on the desk and looked at her. He felt guilty knowing he had caused this upset. He'd known there was something wrong in class today when she stopped trying to answer every question, and her potionwork equalled that of Longbottom's. Severus Snape looked into her eyes and said the words he had never said to another student, "I'm sorry."

Hermione was shocked. His voice told her that he was being sincere, but Snape had never, in her memory, shown emotion. He burst into speech. "Ever since your first class, Ms. Granger, you've always known the answer to every question. Why, no first year should know the difference between Monkswood and Wolfsbane, I was just trying to catch Potter out, but you did. And that startled me. You excelled in every potions class, and I hated it, because it reminded me of.." He paused. Taking a deep breath, he continued. ".. A girl I once loved. So that is why I've put you down in every class,the memory was too painful, and I am truly sorry."

Hermione was at a loss of what to say. Tears had begun to slide down his cheeks when he mentioned the girl and Hermione knew he was telling the truth. This man, who had made her classes hell for five-and-a-half years, was now opening up , and all Hermione could do was offer the box of tissues back to him. Snape took the tissue gratefully. He felt angry at himself for breaking down like this. But he had never gotten the chance to talk about Lily's death, nor had he stopped blaming himself. For it was his fault. He had told Voldemort about the prophecy. Had he known it meant Lily's son, he would never have done so. However, he had carried around the burden ever since, and it had caused him so much pain. He allowed himself to cry on Hermione's shoulder, as wave after wave of magical energy flowed away from him, releasing his bottled up feelings.

Albus Dumbledore looked up from his work in his study. He had felt something, something that shook him to the core of his magic. Something he had not felt since his legendry fight with Grindlewald, a wave of pure magical power. Wizards who could feel another's magical power had to be very powerful themselves, so Albus was reassured this was not the pain of one of his students, nor would they be able to feel this energy. Wave after wave was now pulsing through Dumbledore's core, and he grew worried. He needed to find who was experiencing this pain.

Hermione cast a silencing charm on the door, as she watched her Potions master break down. She had no idea what to do. Snape had now collapsed on the floor sobbing, and Hermione knew he was embracing feelings that had been bottled up for a long time. She knelt down beside him, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, then pulled him into a hug. After a while, Snape began to calm himself. Hermione heard the door open once more and looked up to find Albus Dumbledore, looking troubled.

Albus Dumbledore was shocked. He did expect this moment from Severus Snape. After the loss of Lily it was only to be expected, but he did not expect it to be like this. Not in front of a student, nor this magnitude. He did not realise the situation was this bad. Hermione was still holding Snape, who was shaking from the loss of energy. Snape did not seem to notice that Dumbledore was in the room, but he clung to Hermione's robes like a child might do to a mother's.

Dumbledore handed a goblet to Hermione and indicated Snape should drink it. Hermione put the goblet to Snape's lips and he drank it, falling asleep after doing so. Hermione gently placed his head on the floor and stood up, looking at Dumbledore. "I suggest you go up to my office and wait there for me. The password is 'pumpkin pasties.'"

Hermione walked along the corridors, thinking about what had happened. She began to fully appreciate the pain that Snape had. This explained why he was so sour. She hoped Dumbledore would be able to heal him. No one deserved that pain. She stepped into Dumbledore's office and sat down in the chair opposite his. She head the door open, and Dumbledore came in, looking grave. He sat down. "Professor Snape has been taken to 's, to replenish his magic energy."

"Will he be alright?" Hermione asked.

Dumbledore nodded. "Forgive me but I must ask, what was Professor Snape talking about before he broke down?"

Hermione told him and Dumbledore nodded. "I knew this time would come. Professor Snape was in love, and the girl died. He blames himself. I am asking you not to repeat what happened tonight to anyone."

Hermione nodded. "I understand Professor."

She took this as her cue to leave. She headed up to the Gryffindor tower and went to bed. She began to think about how Snape might be feeling. She felt sorry for him, lying in a bed in St. Mungo's all alone. He didn't deserve that! To have had a great emotional upheaval and Dumbledore sent him to a hospital alone. Hermione began to grow angry thinking about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO:**

"Professor, I was wondering if I could visit Professor Snape?" Hermione asked Dumbledore two days after he was admitted. Dumbledore agreed and set up the floo connection. Hermione stepped into the green flames and shouted "St Mungo's".

She kept her elbows in as she saw many wizarding fireplaces flash, before she stepped out into the reception area in 's. She approached the receptionist and said, "I'm here to see Severus Snape."

"Ground floor," she said, without looking at her. "The Dilys Derwent ward."

Hermione set off through the hospital and discovered Snape, in a ward by himself. He was staring into space, and gave a jump when he noticed Hermione. She took a seat next to him and placed a bunch of flowers on the bedside cabinet.

"Ms Granger," he whispered.

"How are you feeling professor?" Hermione asked.

One look at Snape told her he was feeling like crap, and he didn't answer her. "Potion class isn't the same without you Professor." She smiled.

It was true. Most of the class were delighted that Snape wasn't there, but his replacement could not teach a class at all, and he didn't even try to teach. Hermione missed learning Potions. Snape smiled somewhat. "Where do the students think I've gone?" he asked.

"Well there are a number of rumours going around," she smiled. "None of them are even remotely close to the truth. The most popular one seems to be that you've gone vampire hunting."

Snape smiled again. "The last thing I need is students finding out about this. You haven't told anyone, have you?" he added, panicking.

"No, of course not" she said, and he relaxed. "Do you have any idea when you'll be returning to Hogwarts?" she asked.

"The healer said I should be fit to leave the day after tomorrow," he said. "And it can't come soon enough," he added. "I hate it here." He sounded bitter.

"Professor." Hermione said. "Why couldn't Madam Pomfrey treat you?"

"I don't know, you'll have to ask the Headmaster," replied Snape.

"Haven't you asked him?" asked Hermione, shocked.

"I haven't had the chance, I haven't seen him," said Snape, curtly.

Hermione was stunned. She couldn't believe that Dumbledore didn't even bother visiting Snape. It was not like him. Her thoughts were interrupted by a healer, telling her that visiting times were over. She took the floo back to hogwarts and stepped out into Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore indicated she should sit down and she did so.

"How is Professor Snape?" Dumbledore asked.

"He's recovering, "said Hermione. "He said that you haven't been to see him." she added, glaring at Dumbledore.

"I've been busy," said Dumbledore, not meeting her eye.

Hermione stood up. "If you don't mind professor, I've got so much homework to get through."

She left. Dumbledore didn't want to visit Snape, but why? It didn't make any sense.

Severus Snape stepped out of the fireplace in his own office. It felt good to be back. He hated hospitals. He was still feeling crap though. He supposed this was only to be expected. His heart ached over Lily, although it had healed somewhat after letting it all out. He also felt he should explain himself and apologise to Hermione. He decided to keep her back after her next potion class.

"Ms Granger, please see me in my office at the end of the day."

Snape watched as Hermione nodded, and the third years filed out of his classroom. He had deliberatly ignored Potter today, as he didn't think he could stand to look into Lily's eyes. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to Hermione. When she sat down in front of him, he said "I feel I owe you an explanation."

"Professor, I understand this must be difficult for you. Professor Dumbledore already explained this to me," she said.

Snape panicked. Had Dumbledore told her about Lily? "What has the headmaster said?"

"He told me that you were in love and that you blame yourself for her death," Hermione whispered.

Snape gave a sigh of relief. He hadn't told Hermione the full story. "Ms Granger, I'm sorry for the situation I put you in. I shouldn't have been like that in front of you."

"Professor, if it made you feel better then I'm glad that I could help," Hermione smiled. "I saw how much pain it caused you, and I want you to know that I'm here whenever you want to talk."

Snape was astounded at her kindness and maturity. "Thank you," he said sincerely, standing up. "I really appreciate what you've done for me, especially visiting me when no one else would."

Hermione stood up. "Anytime Professor," and she left his office.


	3. AUTHOR NOTE!

Sorry, but I need to clear it up.

I have changed the story today (hopefully, it has been tempermental).

Hermione is in fifth year.


	4. Chapter 3

_**Sorry It's so short, I promise the next one will be longer.. I also need a beta, so if you would like to.. Let me know.. Please review, I love them.. This chapter has themes of suicide, so be warned! Also, whenever I put in "St Mungo's" it seems to just come up as "'s" so if you see that, it's supposed to be St Mungo's.  
**_

Severus Snape was angry. After everything that had happened between Dumbledore and himself, the headmaster still hadn't visited him. He requested a meeting with the headmaster and presented himself outside Dumbledore's study at eight o'clock.

"You didn't visit me," Snape shot at Dumbledore.

"I'm sorry," said Dumbledore. "I've had things to do."

"I've never felt so alone," shouted Snape. "Hermione Granger has shown me more support over the past couple of days, she's a remarkable person. But you have shown me nothing. You didn't even ask how I was. You sent me to a hospital and then nothing."

Dumbledore could see that Snape was very angry. "Severus, you need to calm down."

"Don't tell me what I need," yelled Snape. "You don't know anything about what I need."

"Severus, I made a promise to you that I would keep Lily Potter safe. I thought, giving the nature of things, that I would be the last person you wanted to see. I can see I was wrong."

"Of course you were wrong!" bellowed Snape. "I needed you, Albus."

Snape stormed out of the study, and went back to his office. He didn't blame Dumbledore for Lily's death. It was not his fault. Snape knew the blame rested with him. He paced his study, his mind racing. He was the cause of her death. Therefore, he was a murderer. No sooner than he reached this conclusion, the solution formed in his mind. If he was a murderer, then he deserved to die.

Hermione stopped in her tracks. She had just seen Professor Snape storming down towards the dungeons looking agitated and upset. She immediatly ran to Dumbledore's study. "Professor," she said quickly. "I'm worried about Professor Snape. I think he shouldn't be alone, he's very upset."

"I agree," said Dumbledore quickly. "We must find him, we'll go to his office."

Together they walked quickly through the castle. They found the door to his office locked.

"Severus, are you in there?" called Dumbledore urgently.

There was silence. Dumbledore pointed his want at the door, which burst open. Hermione gasped. Snape was unconcious, blood pouring from both his wrists.

"Quick, run and get Madam Pomfrey," Dumbledore shouted.

Hermione returned in less than 2 minutes with the matron, who happened to be in the entrance hall. Snape was still breathing but he had lost a lot of blood. He was taken up to the hospital wing. Hermione followed. At the entrance to the hospital wing, Dumbledore stopped her.

"I suggest you go back to your dormitory now," said Dumbledore.

"No," said Hermione firmly. "I won't leave him now. He felt so alone in St Mungo's. I won't let him wake up alone."

"Very well," said Dumbledore looking surprised. "Wait here until Madam Pomfrey has finished working on him."

Hermione waited outside the hospital wing for half an hour before Madam Pomfrey said she could go in. Snape was still unconcious. She took a seat next to his bed and looked out at the darkening sky, thinking how bad he must have felt, to do something like this.


End file.
